This document will serve to announce, describe, and conduct a courts martial concerning severe violations of the defined powers of rank as conferred upon General K.L. Vu Thi Robinson, as appointed by unanimous decision of General Captain Bill Robinson on 2 July, 2012, or the 12th of Tamuz, 5772 on the calendar of my people.
General Robinson the Younger is charged with abuse of power. She is found guilty by virtue of the fact that she caused General Robinson the Elder to grovel shamelessly and to praise her coffee despite the fact that she did not add the requisite portion of love into the cup she served.
General Robinson the Younger is charged with cruelty unbecoming an officer. She is found guilty by virtue of her tortuous ‘near-death’ march she led General Robinson the Elder on while offering shameful and degrading avenues of retreat to home base along the route without volunteering to mitigate the shame such retreat would cause by offering extreme sexual pleasure when reaching home base. Instead she offered coffee and breakfast, which although life-sustaining would hardly substitute.
General Robinson the Younger is charged with physically abusing an officer of equal rank. She is found guilty because she showed General Robinson the Elder a place to sit that was of a suitable height for a diminutive Vietnamese shrimp but demeaning to a corpulent yet tall American of General Robinson the Elder’s girth and stature (gross and tall). General Robinson the Elder suffered knee-lock and when offered a hand-up by, yes, you guessed it, General Robinson the Younger, suffered major mental trauma in that he feared she couldn’t stand the strain and would drop him on his fat ass. The fact that she didn’t does not mitigate either the charge or the verdict, and guilty is as guilty is perceived in the warped mind of the perceiver.
In view of these charges and findings of guilt, it is the verdict of this Courts Martial that General Robinson the Younger be stripped of her star and demoted to the rank of Colonel, equivalent to that of Al Pacino in Scent of a Woman or Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men. This sentence should not preclude the possibility that Colonel Robinson be restored to her previous rank on the sole condition that she does not come to me and ask: “What dat mean?”
Officially submitted and adjudicated on this day, the 14th of Tammuz, 5772 aka 4 July, 2012.
General Captain Bill the Elder Robinson.