The Big S List

Every husband knows the S List, but most of us don’t quite know how we got such a stellar position at the top.  I sort of do, but find it so incredible that I am having issues about grasping the reality.

It happened yesterday when my unfathomable Wife, KL, was going to have a card game.  I decided I did not like being home with four screaming-with-excitement Vietnamese women and thought I would go hang out downtown, have a late breakfast, and see what I could see.   So when she asked me where I was going, I told her quite honestly that I didn’t know and would see her later.  This would probably be the first time I spent a whole day alone while my wife was in HoChiMinh City and I was looking forward to the adventure.

I grabbed a taxi on Le Thuong Kiet Street and told the driver, “Saigon Center”, despite not quite sure where Saigon Center really was.  I knew it was downtown and regardless of where I ended up I knew that I could find places I knew from wherever Saigon Center was.  Turned out it was exactly where I wanted to go (I never pay much attention to names of streets or places, leaving that to my wife who knows Saigon better than most taxi drivers) and I went into Highlands Coffee for a glass of iced coffee and some Pho.  There was a special for 55,000 but I didn’t ask for the special and didn’t get it, and paid the whopping sum of 80,000–a price often reserved for just coffee at more exalted Coffee Houses like Gloria (Gloria Jeans, an American chain) where coffee alone costs 100,000.

This is dragging, so I will shorten the story before I put both myself and you readers to sleep.  After breakfast I went to a park and read for an hour, interrupted only by various vendors offering postcards, cold drinks, trips to a massage parlor (in Vietnam massage is a big thing, second only to coffee, and you can get any or all body parts steamed, saunaed, rubbed, stroked, or caressed, depending on your inclination of the moment), and a private session with a very sexy, very beautiful young girl who promised to achieve new heights without needing mountains or elevators.

I declined all, but since my reading kept being interrupted, I thought I would go catch a movie.  If I were in Europe I would have headed for an art museum, but since there is only one of those in the city, and most of the local galleries are filled with great copies of Botero, Monet, Renoir, Van Gogh and other Impressionists, I decided to see what was playing.  Out came the iPhone and I did an internet search for the movie theater near our house.  I found the address and grabbed a cab, verifying that I had picked the right place by telling the driver the name of the Department Store anchoring the mall with the cinema.

My timing was good and I got into see the new Spiderman movie at the beginning.  Despite the ticket seller, the ticket taker, and the usher all trying to talk me out of a front row seat, I enjoyed the movie and felt a part of the action by sitting so close.  I turned my phone off as requested by the theater  and when I got out at 4:30, called my wife to see if the card game was over and I could come home to a quiet, peaceful condo.

That is when I realized I made that S List, position One.  She answered the call hysterical, and shouted that she hated me for making her so worried.  Any explanation after that failed to dent the anger and hysteria, and it took until this morning to ease the anger and tears.

Sometimes it is worth being on the Shit List just to find out how much you are loved…

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3 thoughts on “The Big S List

  1. Well, I wrote a lengthy reply mentioning how well you deal with hysterical females and the four-hour weekly bouts of yenta canasta Harry’s and my mother used to have, but WordPress still hasn’t been able to remedy my pic and email account. So, following your advice, I accept looking like the symbol below.

    • It is a little blue square with a white question mark inside. Neither the square nor the question mark look fat, and as for you, I remember when, compared to your current svelte and debonaire physique, you WERE fat.

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