The words repeat and repeat and repeat, disturbing my sleep, waking me many times in the night. “Listen to the melody” they say, “for my love is in there hiding”.
My cousin is dying. I love him, or loved who he was–an overweight like me salesman like me sharp and witty and more so than me guy who enjoyed life and sucked the marrow out of it like me. Now he lays in a bed in America, depressed, shot full of morphine, eaten by depression and pancreatic cancer which will soon end his existence in this level of his life. He was gone some time ago, before the cancer appeared to accelerate his suffering and demise; he was gone sometime in that long bout of depression which sent him out of the body and mind that we all loved and laughed with. He was a little nuts, which the best of us often are, and so full of love and life that to know him was to smile and be happy and to laugh at times uproariously. His notch in this life on this planet will remain empty for a long time.
I think of other cousins who have died, most of whom I loved dearly and a few of whom I don’t miss. I think of the loss of my parents, beloved, cherished, respected and still missed despite the years they have been gone. “I love you in a place where there is no space or time. I love you so completely, you are a friend of mine.” Leon Russell, who wrote this song, opened the door and hearts of all who really listen and hear his words and their meaning, different to many but in the end, something for everyone. “And when my life is over, remember when we were together, and I was singing this song to you.”
Daddy, Mom, April, Irving, Abraham and Sarah, Ida Bubeleh, Jerry, Lennie, I miss you so much. You were important in my life, you changed me and made me who I am today by your example, your guidance, your stories and by the way you lived your lives. I am entrusting you with my cousin Jerry soon. He is one of the good guys, strange, weird, but good. Give him your support and enjoy his company–we all did.