From Bad to Badder

What the fuck is happening?  Sorry DS if my language offends you, but it is necessary.

My cousin Jerry died yesterday, November 19, 2013.  My father died today, November 21, 1984.  My cousin’s wife died 2 months ago.  My cousin died about 6 weeks ago.  My cousin’s husband died a month ago.  I just learned that my cousin’s daughter was diagnosed with colon cancer 10 days ago.  With one exception, every one of these people were/are good people, nice people, kind and caring mothers and fathers who by today’s standards were much too young to die and much too good to get sick.  I’m pretty sure that some people even thought that the woman I said was the exception in a group of good/nice people was loved by someone.

I know people get sick and die.  I’m not that naive to think we all will live forever, and people in their 70s are entering that phase when we start looking at the end of our lives hanging overhead.  I’m there, didn’t have a choice.  I’m happy to say a couple of my relatives and friends are way beyond the ages of insurance tables forecasts.  My dad’s baby sister (he called her that despite the fact that she was a few years older than he) is now 102, online every day, and living alone (her choice) in a place where she can get as much care as she needs or wants.  G-d bless her.  A dear friend, who is probably pushing 90, has just decided that he may give up driving.  He loved driving, was very good at it, had some really hot cars in his younger days, but as much as it is life changing, he has decided to stop.  What a truly life changing decision for all the reasons which I won’t discuss now.

Meanwhile, my wife, a spry old lady of 54, is out tooling around HCMC on her motorbike in traffic that would terrify a F1 or Stock Car driver.  I found it so bad that I gave up RIDING on our motorbike.  I refuse to admit that I have gotten so fat that she won’t take me anymore.  

There is too much tragedy in my family and with my friends lately.  I hate it.  

But one really bright light shines through–my great friend ER is headed for the third year since he was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer.  He says he wants to make the FIVE YEAR Goal.  He is my inspiration.  Seeing how strong and brave he is caused me to start exercise walking again.  What a special man.

How lucky I am.  I know.  I think about it every day.  Every single day.

Thank you G-d.  YOU have truly blessed me and given me a great life, and I just wanted to take a moment to thank you for this.


3 thoughts on “From Bad to Badder

  1. I’m sorry the loss of your cousin, whom you clearly loved. It was pancreatic cancer — or at least complications from treating it in stage 4, when it was found — that did in my father within days of its diagnosis. Depressingly, I anticipate a similar demise — though a 16-year-old prodigy thought up a test to catch early markers recently. It costs only pennies, but still has to go through years of testing but maybe it won’t remain the scourge it is much longer. Of course none of us gets out alive, at least corporeally.

    That’s it, isn’t it: the state of the corpus. Can’t you convince KL you’d make good fenders if she’d chauffeur you around. Of course, you’d have to be clad like an NFL defensive lineman.

    I hope ER makes it to five and beyond. I’m still puzzling out whether, since we’re all composed of star dust dating to the big bang and will be decomposing into the same stuff, some part of us — call it the soul, the force, zen, or whatever — will let us continue to stay together in a social kind of form. Of course with tongue and mushroom gravy on Tuesdays for you, pastrami on rye for me.

    Love to you and the spry KL from both of us and those who came before.

    • corporeally? Thats a word? Well, my spell-check isnt lighting up so maybe it is. Nice comment. Thanks. I just came from watching the service for my cousin and it is 4:26 in the morning, so Im going to bed, to sleep, perchance to dream. I wrote those words long, long ago, in a different time in a different life, but other than conveniences like the greatest invention of all timetoilet paperthings are not all that different.


    • I kept thinking how silly you are to fear that the cancer which killed your father will kill you too. I kept thinking that until the fourth Time I read this, and then I realized I have the same irrational fear. I’m often thinking that I will die from a malignant tumor around my spleen that bursts, sending filthy cancer cells all around my thoracic cavity.

      We are both nuts!

      The journey is the adventure…


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